Too bad for Jesus
that his birthday and Christmas
were on the same day.



On eBay, you can
lose the world and gain a bunch
of stuff you don't need.



Obama: hot like
Lincoln, smart like JFK.
Scratch that. Reverse it.



If I'm a slutty
slut for Halloween, does it
cancel itself out?



Each ride on the bus,
more and more reasons not to
start a crack habit.



Some things that should need
proof of age to buy: booze, porn
and red Solo cups.



I'm only passive-
aggressive because I'm too
small to kick your ass.